Top 10 Worst Movies of 2016

Now that the year 2016 slowly comes to a close, it's time to count down the best and worst movies of the year.
2016 was a fairly good year for movies in general though, whereas many big blockbusters like Suicide Squad or Batman v Superman turned out to be big disappointments, others were surprisingly good.
Yet before we take a look at those actually good movies, let's first get the crap out of the way.

So as with every year, here are Invisible Kid's Top 10 Worst Movies of 2016!


Mechanic: Resurrection
directed by Dennis Gansel

Mechanic 2 or Mechanic: Resurrection - a sequel to an extremely forgettable Jason Statham movie that absolutely nobody asked for.
Yet instead of accepting its unnecessary existence and just having fun with it by being an 80s style action movie cheese fest, Mechanic 2 takes itself overly seriously even though its story alone has all the ingredients of a straight-to-VHS stinker.
On top of its illogical and dumb story, the movie also is just overall technically laughably made. It feels like about 70% of the entire movie was shot in front of a green screen with the location backdrop obviously put in and every explosion and action set-piece having been generated on a cheap computer.
Making this lazy cashgrab attempt of a movie complete, is the addition of Jessica Alba and Tommy Lee Jones of all people who only acted in it to get a quick paycheck for basically doing nothing.
It's easily one of the most shameful movies in Statham's already very stale filmography of generic action movies. 


Independence Day: Resurgence
directed by Roland Emmerich

Another sequel that didn't need to exist at all, and worst of all, just arrived way too late to even be able to capitalize on any hype, is Independence Day 2 or Independence Day: Resurgence.
It's a primary showcase that bigger isn't always better. Let's just say that you at the latest really got a problem when Will Smith (the main big huge blockbuster star from the original) chose to do Suicide Squad over this sequel.
Now focussing rather on an absolutely bland and uninteresting set of new protagonist characters like wet blanket actor Liam Hemsworth and other 20-something actors, the movie already lost right from the start. In addition with a painfully slow pace, huge disaster scenes without any emotional impact, an outlandish sequel-bait story and some actors from the original only thrown into it to trigger some slight nostalgic value, it's amazing how a sequel to one of the biggest blockbusters of the 90s turned out to be such a gigantic borefest.
Also, killing off Will Smith's character in the movie (off-screen) simply because they needed an explanation as to why Will Smith isn't in it, is just one more big slap to the face of fans of the original.

For the full review click here.


Fifty Shades of Black
directed by Michael Tiddes

Parody movies are like cockroaches: just when you thought they all got killed, there's still one of them out there. Case in point: Fifty Shades of Black.
The time when movies like Scary Movie or Hot Shots where highly popular in cinemas are long gone. Instead, parody movies just became a very cheap way to cash in on a trend that faded just as quickly as it appeared.
So is it really any surprise that another parody focussing on making numerous sketches out of the very popular Fifty Shades of Grey movie turned out as just the same tired cheap garbage as for example Meet the Spartans or Disaster Movie? To make things worse, "actor" Marlon Wayans once again uses this parody as another attempt to keep any amount of cash flowing into his pockets. With very uncreative and lame jokes that will appeal only to the easiest of entertainable people, there was clearly no real effort put into this movie. It's loud, obnoxious and thinks that it's way funnier than it really is.


The Brothers Grimsby
directed by Louis Leterrier

Though it features much bigger stars and much more talent on screen, the misguided action comedy The Brothers Grimsby actually manages to be even worse than Fifty Shades of Black.
While also featuring tired and lame gags, what's even worse about it, is that the gags in the movie are just uncomfortable, gross and repeat themselves over and over and over again.
Pretty much the entire movie is a collection of gross out gags about sperm, sex, urine, etc. without any social commentary comedy that Sacha Baron Cohen is usually known for.
Not even the short bursts of generic but servicable action can help a movie whose comedy is clearly targeted at 13-year-olds who find every gross out comedy related to sex and faeces entertaining. Just think South Park without any of the smart social commentary.


 The 5th Wave
directed by J Blakeson

Even though 2016 leaves it still kind of hanging in the air whether the Young Adult movie trend that started with The Hunger Games will eventually continue, considering the quality of movies like The 5th Wave, it points to a big "No!"
Once again one of those movies that are obviously guilty of simply trying to cash in on a popular craze, The 5th Wave (adapted from the novel of the same name) feels like the epidemy of a generic and lazy YA movie. Pretty much like checking off boxes, the entire movie fulfills every tired stereotype and clichee known from every single popular YA movie series (namely Hunger Games and Divergent): a female protagonist, her being the last hope of mankind, a love triangle, a strong female badass sidecharacter, an evil tyrant antagonist, at least one of the male leads taking off his shirt for no reason, etc.
With so many tired plot points and uninspired dialogue in such a super lazily written script, even the movie's one admittedly interesting twist towards the end doesn't change anything about its overall throwaway quality. The 5th Wave just aggressively lacks any true effort to change up the YA genre landscape with any ideas of its own, making it very unlikely that we'll see any of its planned sequels actually being made (thank god!).      

For the quickie review click here.


Nine Lives
directed by Barry Sonnenfeld 

What's worse than a lazily written comedy that only serves as a quick paycheck for A-list Hollywood actors? - A lazily written comedy that worst of all is mean spirited and just uncomfortable.
Nine Lives is a movie that has one big "joke" that it tries to stretch out throughout the entirety of its runtime: Kevin Spacey is a cat...that's it.
Featuring actors that are obviously bored and completely unmotivated to work for the quick cash they are making with this junk of a movie, Nine Lives is also a movie that is so focussed on trying to soley capitalize with tired cat memes and cat jokes all the time, that it seemingly doesn't even realize how screwed up its messages to its target kids audience are. Many plot points actually tease and to some extent even promote things like alcoholism, suicide and adultery in this "comedy" supposedly targeted towards kids. Nine Lives is not only joyless, lazy and boring, but also just offensive.


Max Steel
directed by Stewart Hendler

Wanting to capitalize on the popularity of a specific nostalgic toy line to create a new big movie franchise is one thing, but what Michael Bay achieved with his Transformers franchise sure enough isn't and most probably never will be the case for Max Steel.
Based on a line of toys from the late 90s and early 2000s, not even the Max Steel toys and shows were that popular to begin with. Yet that didn't stop toy company Mattel from still trying to "revamp" Max Steel in his own theatrical movie, now targeted towards teens - braindead teens as it seems.
Aside from having a miserable marketing campaign that made it barely noticable that the movie even got made or released, it features horrible teen actors all across the board and a script that feels like a four year old could've come up with it. It's a movie that clearly lacks an own distinct vision because its only goal is to sell more toys and make more money. Yet when your planned franchise starts off at such a big low, it's just dead on arrival.  


Ice Age: Collision Course
directed by Mike Thurmeier

Sometimes extinction really is the only solution.
It is honestly mind boggling how the Ice Age franchise is still going on to this very day with 20th Century Fox releasing one aggressively boring sequel after the other into cinemas.
At the latest with Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaurs or Ice Age: The Meltdown the entire franchise's quality seriously got stuck in straight-to-DVD quality - and this obviously didn't change with its newest entry, Ice Age: Collision Course.
As with every franchise, you really know that the writers don't know what else to do with a series when they put it into space...and boy does it show in this fifth Ice Age movie. Ice Age: Collision Course is just utter boring trash. With humor that only toddlers might find funny, even more new annoying and unnecessary characters, pretty much no highlights or a real story arc whatsoever, the movie feels like it's just going on and on without getting anywhere. There really isn't anything else left to say about this franchise but "just die already!"
For the quickie review click here.


Norm of the North
directed by Trevor Wall

Speaking of movies that should've come out straight to DVD, at least Ice Age: Collision Course was a technially well made movie - this cannot be said for the atrocity that is Norm of the North.
Norm of the North would even receive bad reviews if it was aired on TV. With absolutely inexcusably bad animation work (you can even tell by just looking at the picture above), shoved in pop culture references just for the sake of it, absolutely obvious rip-off characters of other more popular animated movies, lack of any real attempts at comedy (most of the jokes are about twerking or potty humor), bored voice actors all throughout and even an inability to deliver it's own crude environmental message, Norm of the North is one huge trainwreck.
It got slapped into a couple of theaters in shameless hopes of having some kids annoy their parents enough to watch that "icebear movie" only to have those kids themselves ultimately be helplessly bored along with them. It's easily one of the absolute worst theatrically released animated movies of this entire century.


Yoga Hosers
directed by Kevin Smith

Sure enough director Kevin Smith had his share of fame and popularity in the 90s and early 2000s. Yet after some years it quickly showed that this comic and movie nerd is no directing talent but was rather just some guy who had the right idea at the right time.
Yet little did everybody know that 2016 would be the year that Kevin Smith would release the absolute most useless piece of trash of this entire movie year - even after he made Cop Out and Tusk.
Pretentious isn't even enough to define ths aggressively boring showcase of how much up his own narcissistic ass Kevin Smith is. Focussing on two extremely hard to define slacker-ish, hipster, etc. girls who defend their store and town of a bunch of sausage nazi dwarves (yes you read that right), Yoga Hosers is far away from being a guilty pleasure or a "so bad it's good" kind of movie. If anything, it only shows that not every idiot idea that comes to Smith's mind should be made into a movie.
Yet instead of being targeted towards a B-movie loving crowd, the movie is somehow targeted towards absolutely nobody. Half of the movie consists of an irritating mess of two highschool clerk girls (played by Lily Rose Depp and Smith's daughter with the most pretentious cringeworthy name ever - Harley Quinn Smith) who go back and forth between rebelling against their parents, suddenly acting like slackers ripped straight out of Clerks, then suddenly performing a musical scene as a band, only to then suddenly fight sausage nazi dwarves etc. It's absolutely pointless trying to figure out what this movie is or what its target audience is, since neither Kevin Smith nor anybody else knows it.
If anything, Yoga Hosers is nothing else than one talentless and overly self-indulged director's "creative" excrement put on film and into theaters. An attempt to showcase that he can make any idea worthwhile as a movie. And boy did it backfire...

Yoga Hosers is without any doubt Invsibile Kid's pick for the Worst Movie of 2016!     


Dishonorable Mentions:

Bad Moms
Bad Santa 2
Blair Witch
Collateral Beauty
Gods of Egypt
Shut In
The Darkness
The Disappointments Room
Zoolander 2

No comments:

Post a Comment